That Gay Thing…

Around a year ago I wrote a blog entitled “Pride.” I wrote it after attending my first London Pride and I wrote it not about my personal experience of the day (which was interesting at best), but about the experience I had of everyone around me.

Since then I have myself come out as bisexual – next time I attend Pride I will not be the only one there still in the closet! I will get more than one hour to be Proud.
There’s a project in America called “It Gets Better” ( http://www.itgetsbetter.org/ ), a movement I have no doubt is helping thousands if not millions of young people come to terms with who they are. The beauty of “It Gets Better” is it’s true. It does get better. Every day. But to pretend everything magically rights itself would be wrong. It’s not all roses – it is an ongoing struggle.
I am lucky enough to have the most incredible parents and support group who don’t give a shit who I bring home as long as I’m happy. I have friends who are gay, straight and bisexual (even one pansexual – something she has tried to explain but still escapes me…) who will love me and I them no matter who they let into their bed.
All in all, I got it pretty cushy.
But there’s still that little niggling thing in the back of your mind you can’t quite explain – I honestly don’t think you can ever really understand it unless you have gone through it yourself – it’s that point you get to where you are totally comfortable in yourself and the way you are. You don’t care who knows and yes, to buy into the cliché, you are proud. But at the same time – you’re not..? It’s something a lot of people live with every day, sometimes for the rest of their lives. And there has to be a reason for it whatever that feeling may be.

There are those who will belittle my argument because I am – in their eyes – “one of them” and only out to help myself and those like me but that is just an excuse to brush off the true nature of our cause. And that cause is basic human rights. The basic right to love and be loved and live the life you deserve regardless of gender, race or sexuality.There was a time when to be black was to be inferior, or to live by a different Religion and moral code. These people were scapegoated as a minority of inferiority; a lesser race: an underclass. The simple task of living was made doubly hard just by being born the way they were.

Throughout the history mankind gay people have been continuously treated with the same disgust, hatred and cruelty as any other underclass and this was widely deemed acceptable. Gay people have been continuously segregated from the rest of society since its conception. The gays were beaten, killed, taunted, forced to wear bands that displayed them to the world. People would cross the street to avoid them; pools were closed because a gay man with AIDS decided to take a swim; laws were made stripping gay men and women of their rights; people spat on them in the street and that was all ok.
Well it’s not ok anymore.

In America a black woman refused to sit at the back of the bus. A German factory owner helped save the lives of hundreds of Jews. A woman picked up a gun and decided she would fight with the men. History is littered with those little moments of individual strength which, through example, spread the message of equality throughout society and helped change the lives of millions.

Ideas start small and build up to become movements. Radical notions become physical forces which in turn grow to become accepted norms and now, all over the world people are opening their eyes to the fact that actually, being gay is OK. It’s not a sin, it’s not a disease. It’s not an abomination or a manifestation of evil or even just a bit of natural curiosity gone wrong. It’s a fact. And it is OK.

Unfortunately, some people still refuse to. Now I don’t wanna play the religion card here – I am myself a believer in something altogether else, a force bigger and greater than us – but it has to be noted that what is potentially the greatest cause of homophobia in the world in fact the ‘r’ word. Even those who do not practice a particular religion are influenced because our whole society was originally built on the teachings of a big ancient book called the Bible.

What I find truly astounding is that people still take this book as if it holds any real and direct relevance to modern life. I’ll be the first to accept the Bible holds a great many important and valuable lessons for mankind but I’ll be damned if I can find the passage where they predict the invention of the car. Or the aeroplane. Or even electricity! The fact is science has come on so much that we have to start accepting our ancestors sometimes got it wrong. That is the nature of progression. Religion, like all things, has to move forward.
And we see this at every Pride march when a Christian association is out in action spreading the message of love and equality for all. But we also see the opposite when, inevitably another one racks up to protest and spew its message of hatred to all involved.
               

Let me ask you – which group seems the most truly Christian? I know which one I’d trust with my soul…

And so I guess the message this time is one of moving forward with pride and compassion. I am not asking you to understand the impulses of one man to sleep with another, I am asking you to accept that it happens and accept that it is ok.
No. I’m telling you.
As far as I’m concerned it is your responsibility as a good human being to treat your fellow humans with the fullest respect regardless of their race, gender or sexuality. We are all part of what makes this world so wonderful and diverse. And to be honest, at the end of the day the gays are normally more interesting anyway…

Kids in our country (and I mean all countries not just mine) are still being driven to kill themselves because of who they are. The gay kid still gets bullied, beaten up and called names for something they have no control over when really they should be congratulated for having the bravery to be open about their identity.
To be your true self takes ultimate courage and these kids should be admired. Instead they are tormented into an early grave – sometimes by their own hand, sometimes by that of their oppressors. THIS IS NOT OK! It never was and it never will be.

We have to make this stop!

Rise Against’s latest album “Endgame” features a song about a string of teenage gay-related suicides in America after a fan approached them inquiring about their stance on homophobia. Shocked that someone was even unsure of how they felt on the matter they wrote this song “Make it stop (September’s Children)” and it has recently been released alongside the “It Gets Better” campaign.

I’m not gonna lie the first time I saw this I bawled my eyes out. Not from fear, not because I can empathise with the situation shown here from a personal point of view (I have never been bullied for my sexuality at all), but because this shit really happens! It’s the truth, and it’s real life for a lot of people.

Nobody should have to go through this shit. Nobody! Nobody deserves to wake up every morning feeling like they want to die. Nobody should have to go through life feeling absolutely no hope of ever feeling happier.
So please, if you take one thing from this post, take a bit of compassion. Think about how your words and actions really affect other people and realise that if you don’t understand what’s going on in the head of that boy or girl you think might be in the process of coming out – realise that they probably don’t understand either. It’s a scary thing coming to terms with your sexuality. Contrary to the rumours – no-one chooses to be gay. I know many people – including myself – who would openly cite how much simpler life would be if they could just turn it off. But you can’t because it’s really and it’s innate. It is who we are.

And to anyone reading this who is currently going through the confusion of deciphering their own sexuality or facing the fear of coming out, take this in your hearts to give you strength:
You are not a freak, you are not a lesser person and most of all, you are not alone.
You deserve as much happiness in this world as anyone else and coming to terms with who you are inside is the first step to achieving this – it will get better!

Last year in my post my closing statement was this…
“So to all you people filled with hate who spread your bile around the world in any way you can, I have this to say…
I am Proud to stand for everything you hate and I am proud to call myself your enemy.”
This year I think I’m going to go for a bit more love. Because in the end that’s the only thing that will overcome hate. That and events like Pride which celebrate not only the joy of being part of the LGBT community, but of being yourself and loving it.

Because really this is not about just being gay – this is about being full stop. This is about the basic structure of humanity.
I’m very open now about my sexuality. Most of my friends know, I told my family almost a year ago and I identify (if I have to put a label on it for others’ sake) as bisexual. But still, to post it on this blog potentially for the world to see was scary prospect – one I don’t take lightly and one I pondered on whether to even mention on this blog. But then I thought wait a minute, how dare I preach about the bravery and courage of all the individuals who come out in spite of great adversity and threat and even consider not sticking my own, well-protected neck out for them. That’s the thing isn’t it. It still ain’t easy – even for me. The road is being built towards greater equality but we still have a long way to go.

Perhaps one day soon we WILL get more than one day to be proud – we will get a lifetime. Perhaps one day we will all look back on this with the same disbelief we look on slavery or the Holocaust.
But until then, let’s all do our bit to make this world a little brighter. A little more diverse. A little more, well…colourful.

Oh, and let’s have a few more smiles.

Happy Pride everyone – and I don’t just mean the day! xxx