“Let me not to the marriage of true minds
Admit impediments; love is not love
Which alters when it alteration finds,
Or bends with the remover to remove:
O, no, it is an ever-fixèd mark,
That looks on tempests and is never shaken;
It is the star to every wand’ring bark,
Whose worth’s unknown, although his height be taken.
Love’s not Time’s fool, though rosy lips and cheeks
Within his bending sickle’s compass come;
Love alters not with his brief hours and weeks,
But bears it out even to the edge of doom.
If this be error and upon me proved,
I never writ, nor no man ever loved.”
William Shakespeare.
This is Sonnet 116, probably my favourite of all time. It just rings so true. It doesn’t get caught up in the web of comparisons and overdrawn romantic gestures. It just talks.
The message is simply this – Love is not circumstantial, it cannot be turned on and off. It is not dictated by the time or the place, by how near or far it seems. It doesn’t have an expiry date or a number with which it waits to be called.
It just is. It just lives and it cannot die. Or it is not love.
It’s a great idea that, one which is easy to romanticise and worship. We put this crazy little thing called love up on a pedestal and hope that in time we will get our chance to experience it. It’s a beautiful poem too, about the endurance of love and a lot of people approach sonnet 116 with this overarching sense of wonder and awe.
But I think that kind of defeats the point.
To me, this poem is much more defiant. It’s not all airy and full of awe – it’s fiery and powerful. It’s full of resolve.
I don’t think Shakespeare wrote this in the height of his happiest love affair, I reckon he wrote it when the person he loved was scared and distant, or trying to run away. Maybe there was distance between them, maybe there was the ever-looming killjoy of a blossoming career, or simply a farce of timing. Either way I can’t shake a sense of threat lingering between the lines.
The cynic in me is prone to speculate that as defiant and full of strength as this poem may be, I am not entirely convinced it tells the whole story. You see, as Omnipotent as this Godlike, infinite being “Love” may be, it’s very intimate and personal – it’s very human. And as it is human, it is as we all are prone to becoming – a victim of circumstance.
I used to believe in the end two people who really felt for each other would stick it out – that in the end love conquers all and even the most scared of us will eventually learn to be brave and courageous beneath the sheer power of it’s glare.
Yeah well, not so much – at least not while you’re young…
Although I guess I have yet to reach this “in the end” and I suppose part of this love is a journey and we are the wondering barks’ who need its shine to guide us along. And getting to that destination takes time. Space. It takes distance.
In order to get somewhere you have to have been somewhere else. In that respect love’s a bitch.
I firmly believe that love should not be easy. I think the moment it becomes too calm and structured it’s not really love at all. Maybe that’s my tortured artist masochism creeping in again but to be honest I don’t really care. There’s a reason we try and make bad relationships work, and that reason is simply it means so much. It is too consuming, awe-inspiring, worth it to give up without a fight.
Now I’m not saying that an abused wife should stick with her husband until he either changes his ways or eventually kills her all in the name of love, but really, love is supposed to be tumultuous.
The journey isn’t about getting rid of this feverous tumult, it’s about learning how to harness it and still allow it to swallow you whole. It’s a leap of faith – one which unfortunately becomes very difficult when you are young and new to this world, and the simple matter of growing up takes you away to different cities, countries and places of significant growth and change. How could you possibly cling on to love?
Love cannot die no – but it can be ignored. And it can be locked away in the back of your mind and never really be experienced. And I think that’s sad.
I for one made a promise to myself years ago that if I found even the spark that could lead me to the possibility of love, I would fight for it. It hurts and it’s scary, and I almost admire those who seem readily able to just lock their feelings away – but I can’t help but feel like it’s so worth it. And it’s worth waiting for.
Even now when the naivety of youth makes everything feel like it has to be so immediate, it still seems worth waiting for. Worth sticking out. This is the one respect in which I am unequivocally brave.
I will fight for something I believe in.
I’ve never had the pleasure of being in love, but I have loved, and will continue to love for the rest of my life. And if there’s one thing I’ve learnt in 19 years it’s that the biggest, most important things in life hit you when you least expect it. It’s that ‘punch in the gut’ feeling that really let’s us know we’ve hit the real thing. Those fireworks, that dizziness, the tears and the screams and the silence and the rain…it’s those explosions of noise that ripple out and seem silent yet remain present forever.
It’s the butterfly effect.
It’s love.
So maybe that star’s still there pointing the way, I just need to find out which one it is and how I can reach it.
Sometimes that means actively following it to the ends of the earth, sometimes it means waiting.
And maybe one day the strength that ol’ Willy-Shakespeare was talking about will become apparent, and time and distance and circumstance and fear won’t seem such a big deal anymore.
It’s ironic really, that the scariest and most feared of human emotions – love – is the one thing that can teach you to conquer it.
And so bloody tiring to work out!
But I have to believe that in the end that mark will remain fixed on the point of longevity and happiness. And in the end love really can conquer all.
Even time, even distance, even death.
If this be error and upon me proved…William Shakespeare was wrong – And William Shakespeare is never wrong!
Happy Valentines day singletons. I love you all. Holly xxx
“And I’ll fight for this life and this love and this feeling.
Give up my pride and I’ll hand it to you.
I’ll hold out my heart and surrender its beating
and risk all the bleeding for the prospect of freedom and
hope…
What’s a life without hope?”
xxx
Oh and this next song gave me some solace once. It’s PHAT!! And I think William would approve…
Peace.
